


On Letting Go

by suzukaze (harimenui)



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harimenui/pseuds/suzukaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, Leo had asked her in a moment of anger how she could love someone so deeply she had only known a few months. Corrin didn't know what to say to him. She loved Leo so fully, but she couldn't explain to him what it was like to make a choice to actively destroy the person you loved.</p><p>[Sequel to Glass Arrows.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this in mind ever since i wrote 'glass arrows', and i'm glad i can finally post it after letting it tumble around in my brain a couple months. this is a direct sequel to my previous story, so while this could be read alone, it will make more sense if you read 'glass arrows' first.
> 
> i'd like to include a warning for self-harm, depression, and suicidal thoughts. please be careful while reading if you think this may trigger you.
> 
> also, as stated in my other fic, i took some creative liberties with the timeline of conquest. corrin was in hoshido for several months rather than a single day.

Corrin lit a candle every year. She would sneak away in the night, as silent as a phantom. She would sit quietly until the moment hit – she just knew – and would fill her chest with sorrow. It burned so fiercely that sometimes she thought she had actually been impaled. She wondered how it had felt when her sword plunged into his chest. After she lit her candle, a silent prayer spilling out of her mouth, she would write a letter. She would hold it to the candle until the flames licked at her fingers, reminding her what she had done. She couldn't forget. What she had done to him was unforgivable. She had caused irreparable damage to Hoshido, and she couldn't forgive herself. And yet, life seemed to go on for everyone else. Corrin wasn't sure if time would ever move forward for her again.

The first year was the hardest. She often awoke in a cold sweat, Leo's anxious face there to greet her. Sometimes when she was alone, she would scratch herself bloody. Other times she would cling to Leo so tightly that she wasn't sure if she could let go. When she thought of him – she couldn't even think his name the first year – she felt like an arrow had pierced her chest. She almost found humor in the irony. His face as he died was burned into her mind, invading her thoughts at every opportunity. She could smell the blood. His blood mixed with hers, staining her chest straight to her heart. In the first year, she wished she had died with him.

Once, Leo had asked her in a moment of anger how she could love someone so deeply she had only known a few months. Corrin didn't know what to say to him. She loved Leo so fully, but she couldn't explain to him what it was like to make a choice to actively destroy the person you loved. She didn't have the chance to stop loving him. The bond she had with him was almost inexplicable. It was like he fit into a part of her that she didn't even know existed. Everything about him still haunted her. There were some thing she could never forget, clinging onto the memories as if they were a lover's last embrace. To her, they were.

When Hoshido came for her, it felt like the world had been pulled from beneath her. Her new family had welcomed her with open arms, but he couldn't even look her in the eye. The first time he had spoken to her without vitriol was the second week she was in Hoshido. They had been dancing cautiously around each other, afraid to say a word. The sun was going down as she approached him, determined to make something work. She blurted out that she wanted him to teach her archery. He had scoffed at first. He came around quickly when he saw how serious she was, determination burning in her eyes.

Two months later, standing in the same spot they had before, he handed her a letter with shaky hands. She read it once, and then again, until the words were burned into her mind. Corrin screamed, and he didn't stop her. He had tried to apologize but she cut him off, same eyes burning into him. She would never forget the way his lips met hers with such urgency as the sun went down behind them, his calloused hands brushing over her skin. They met again every night, their bodies meeting in a fervent plea. What was burned into her mind most intensely was the look on his face when Nohr's army arrived. A look of confidence shattered with four words as she uttered _'I side with Nohr_.'

The second year was easier. It reminded her of the time she had returned from Hoshido, burying her feelings deep inside her. Her secret had burned within her then. Now, everyone knew the truth, but it still felt the same. No one knew that her heart still felt like it was ripped from her chest every day, not even Leo. The second year was when the guilt was a whisper and the longing had turned into a scream. She knew it wasn't fair to Leo to think like this, gods did she love him for staying by her side, but she couldn't change how her heart felt. She wanted to feel him brush her hair behind her ears again. She yearned to feel his lips on hers again, his warm touch trailing down her body. The feeling of absolute bliss as they lay in the sunlight, limbs entwined and carefree. When she thought of the last time she had touched him, lips against his bloodied forehead and arms wrapped around his limp body, she felt as if she had plunged her sword into her own chest. She thought for a moment it might be better if she had.

The third year was a blur. Harder than the second, but not as agonizing as the first. She wasn't quite sure why it had been harder. Perhaps it had been the fact that her family had been moving on, moving further than she had ever pictured her life going. She was happy for them, so much so, but she still couldn't feel happiness for herself. Camilla had finally been able to create a loving family to dote on, while Xander's rule over Nohr had led to a new era of prosperity. Elise had become a force unto her own, bridging the gap between Hoshido and Nohr like no one else had been able to.

The only two left behind were her and Leo, static. The guilt she felt for holding him back was palpable. He would hold her tightly, his lips soft against her ears as he told her it wasn't her fault, that he loved her so much. One day he had told her something that made her heart stop, an exact replica of something that she had heard before. On that day, she finally let her tears flow free. The sorrow washed over her like waves from the ocean, harsh and unforgiving. He held her the whole time, his grip never faltering. That was when she knew she had to move forward, to let the ghost clinging onto her past free.

The fourth year brought hope. As Corrin held her stomach, the swell now visible under all her clothes, she felt something akin to peace. The pain in her chest was dull now. It would roar to life when she least expected it, consuming her whole body. Instead of leaving her incapable, though, she had learned to fight it. The ghost of his touch no longer felt like burning, the words in her head a whisper instead of a shout. A new memory had etched itself into her mind, the look on Leo's face when she told him he was to be a father. She had never seen such joy on his face, aside from the moment she said she would marry him. In that moment, she didn't think of him. The darkness that had once inhabited her was still in the back of her mind. She knew it wouldn't go away. The heavy weight of grief would never leave her body, but its pull became lighter as the days went on.

Still, she lit a candle for Takumi that year. She watched until the flame burned out, until the pain left her chest. When she crawled back into bed with Leo that night, his hands found her stomach and he cradled it gently, whispering about how excited his was to meet their baby. Corrin's heart felt like it might burst. The pain of surviving would always stick to her, a permanent fixture in her mind. It was a pain that she would carry purposefully, something she'd hold onto tightly to atone for her sins. But now, she no longer felt that she should pay with her own life. For the first time in four years, she saw light.

**Author's Note:**

> fuck be to the babyrealms by the way. kudos to circa survive for this fic's title along with the other one.


End file.
